It’s over a month since I first had the bitter-sweet taste and effect of Ayahuasca and I can honestly say that there’s hardly been a day where I haven’t had cause to reflect positively on the experience and my learnings.
I decided to let some time pass before writing up some of the insights I’ve had since that first night of ceremony, to allow processing and /or assimilation time.
Reflection is a great tool; but since dreaming with Aya, it doesn’t feel like reflecting… it feels by far, more present. It seems like somehow bringing an event back into the present moment, perhaps observing it or maybe adjusting a perception and releasing the energy of it to be resolved by the universe.
[I've come back to explain this a couple of times but each time I find myself lost - completely unable to find the language to describe what I mean by 'more present'. This has happened on more than one occasion when I find I simply don't have the ability/ language to communicate or to accurately describe an insight or experience].
Lots of things which have arisen, have been about release ~ letting old attachments go – without the need to immediately fill the gap; reminding myself at times that there is only one of me and I’m due some ‘me’ time too. In this letting go I’ve created space; openings into a deeper realm of brain activity and intuitiveness…
I’ve had more than a few giggles as something has penetrated my awareness and new perceptions abound, (most certainly) due to ingesting the spirit/teacher plant – and its mind-expanding effects. It’s said that the Aya journey never ends.
Daily realisations have sometimes been so fast that I’ve barely had time to register them.
As mentioned in earlier posts, I’m clearly seeing much more than superficialities ~
And I really did grow to love my bucket!
Metaphorically speaking, that bucket of purged liquids was my shit; the stuff that’s been toxic to my system for a long time. I realised I had been full of it, even tho’ I’d been working on myself for … a lifetime. That bucket represented all that had gone before – the journey to where I am today.
I think of it as being the residue of past traumas which my body needed to release, to be fully well.
I felt that, during the ceremony my very spinal fluid was being drawn out and later while chatting to my friend, (a doctor who uses Ayahuasca clinically) I asked if I was imagining this – or was the liquid actually cleansing at a cellular level. He agreed, applauded my recognition and confirmed that was exactly what was happening.
This makes perfect sense to me, although I appreciate it might appear pretty scary to others. Lots of pieces in my jigsaw are now fitting nicely together as I’ve stumbled upon yet another way to change your chi!
My insights began even before I’d taken the brew; I already knew what I had to be working on, or allowing the release of, but I know now (and knew at the time) that I was dismissing the awareness of those issues, allowing my ego another chance to gain power. Much of which became apparent in the second post, explaining how the Madrecita was still at work.
Since then I’ve had regular shifts in reality, albeit some are only momentary. These have given me a sudden insight into my own thoughts, behaviours and motivations. I seem to have rapidly developed a part of my intuition that had previously been untapped.
One of my major confirmations in the whole process, as opposed a realisation, was that really, it’s all a load of shit – everything; right down to daily stresses and strains governing our energy – oftentimes becoming so bogged down with the negative, we can no longer envisage a positive.
The Buddha was much more polite when he said; ‘All life is suffering’.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
We may not be able to change the past – but we can change our attitudes towards it. First we must learn to relax; notice but not hang onto any thoughts, allowing them to come and go without obstruction.
Listen to your body; remove the veil of illusion, breathe and firmly fix yourself in the moment.
We often give too much power to the thoughts our trickster mind plays repeatedly in our heads; squatting in a space where they’re not welcome.
We tie ourselves in knots about things which:
(a) are very unlikely to happen
(b) are not our business
(c) have no positive impact
We can become trapped in our thoughts, possibly resulting in inappropriate reactions, harming ourselves in some way, or being injurious to someone/thing else.
We exhaust ourselves with constant negative chat, wearing everyone else down too. This type of energy-stealing can only be halted when you make the decision to do so; you have control over the influences in your life as an adult – that may be limiting time on television news networks or it may be about maintaining a level of self-awareness in the company of others.
Take time out. Pamper yourself when you get the chance. The other day I took advantage of a space in the diary of my friend Eric, a Sport’s Therapist who encouraged me to use the Health Club facilities prior to having a massage treatment. For about an hour I indulged in the sauna, steam-room and jacuzzi before being pummeled and squeezed to remove the knots from muscles full of hidden tension.
I relished every minute; enjoying the silence in my head in a noisy room full of people, even while sharing a steamy space with folk I’d never met; finally melting into a sleep-state on his massage table, as the last of my stresses drained away.
I realised that I must take more time out to enable me to reach my goals; time to reflect, release and revitalise. We all need fun in our lives too, laughter being a most effective medicine.
Laughing at your shit will most certainly help relieve tension and sometimes it also helps create solutions; don’t be afraid to see the fool in yourself. Shift the focus from a negative into a positive – when we do this we create endless possibilities.
Inner exploration ~
I’m having a great time exploring my inner being and the realities I sense - last week spending the night in a bivvy-bag under a huge moon and a starlit sky, realising we are all a work in progress in an ever-changing world.
In a moment of fancy later in the week, I did one of the Myers Briggs/ Jung personality tests which came up with an entirely new description of me. This initially surprised me as it indicated I wasn’t an ENFJ as previously suggested, but an INFJ – a much more rare character and one whose basis stems in being an expressive introvert! At first I laughed but as I delved into a variety of interpretations, I identified quite closely with their findings, happily ascertaining that I am most likely an introvert, with a tendency to express myself.
I’ve also been carrying my gratitude stone around with me, regularly giving thanks for some small blessing in my life and bringing my awareness into a loving place. Fully feeling gratitude has a special way of bringing us into the now, as we become overwhelmed with generosity of spirit and thankfulness for what we have.
Take just a minute to feel grateful for something…
Slow the pace of life down; live it one moment at a time.
For sure I’ve manifested some beautiful things in my life but never have I been so keenly rewarded as I am now.
I’m surrounded by beautiful family, friends and colleagues who, mostly through the magic of Social Media, have encouraged and supported me on my personal crusade to raise the profile of personal development – and personal responsibility.
I was once told that the longest journey is between the head and the heart…
It’s quite a profound statement and it took me some time to fully understand its meaning, but once I accepted responsibility for myself, it became very clear.
Most of us miss the real deal – which is to reach the very core of our being; to know the self, to open yourself to possibility – and sometimes vulnerability. We’re not taught to love our bucket nor how to reach (anywhere near) full potential as a human being.
We (sometimes) thrive on stress, revel in drama and create our own wee soap operas on a daily basis, all the while wasting energy on useless personal trends – while compounding trauma and lowering our system’s immunity to the negative. A sharp shift in focus would do us the world of good – from the head to the heart.
We can travel across the world in 24 hours yet we haven’t reached our hearts ~ how can this be so?
Maybe it’s because we so often react in the present with the hurt of the past, afraid that we may be vulnerable in opening ourselves to pain again. And yet, it’s this very vulnerability which enables us to experience something different; giving us another chance to do something positive and fulfilling, if we were to allow ourselves to just be in that moment…
What would our world look/ feel/ sound like, if people were to just be?
Imagine what we as a race could achieve in a short space of time, if we had a sudden [collective] realisation that instead of being powerless, we are powerful… that we really can change the world, one person at a time, beginning with me.
But it’s how we use that power that’s important!
Individually we must learn that only I can make changes – but first I must accept in-appropriateness or un-acceptable thought patterns or behaviours which I may be party to – then use the desire to change them; to become who I really want to be, to create the world I want to live in.
When we [the collective I] achieve the state where we refuse to become the very things we despise, we’ll be IN the world we’ve been wishing to see.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Since beginning the journey to myself many years ago, ayahuasca has been one of the best and most powerful, propelling, catalytic converters I’ve known.
Madrecita, I’m very glad I met you; let the insights continue…