20 Reasons To Ditch Your Lover

by Lesley

Okay, so we’ve all been in that area of uncertainty in relationships, especially in the beginning when we ask ourselves if this person’s for real. Actually that’s a pretty good question…

People present themselves to others the way they want to be seen – but it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s who they are – especially if they’ve an agenda or ulterior motive in the relationship. Being authentic is very simple but not so easy to do, however there are a number of people who can pass themselves off as genuine, convincing the opposite number with their smoothe tongues, that they’re totally sincere.

So many people get stuck in these partnerships and for whatever reason fail to see their energy being sapped, sometimes to the point they’re tied up in knots or there’s nowhere to go. They’ve missed the cues of when to throw in the towel or have been too afraid to move on.

Sunset in Dunure

When is it good to go?

It seems ridiculously obvious to say it’s time to get out when things go sour but many of us, for a variety of reasons don’t. We often think we can ‘fix’ it; costing ourselves dearly in the process.

Be aware that I am NOT telling you that you should leave, or when to leave a partner. That is entirely your decision. The purpose of this is to empower people to take more responsibility for their lives;  some will want or need to make changes, so a little light-hearted look at their options wouldn’t go amiss.

Remember – the word ‘lover’ reflects and describes love in that person; work out what that means to you and make your decisions regarding the relationship on how they measure up to your (realistic) expectations. Do they show genuine love for you or do they just ‘talk’ it?

This is not meant to be a relationship guide but there is a serious side to it. Violating another person, same sex or opposite, is inexcusable so on the rising scale this comes in at the top – the number one no-no.

  1. Violence in any form should set your alarm bells ringing. Do not place yourself or anyone in your care in dangerous situations.
  2. Abuse in any form, comes a close second.
  3. Controlling and manipulating
  4. Extreme behaviours or patterns arising from jealousy and ‘possession’ are worth watching – they may escalate to becoming abusive or lean towards violent outbursts.
  5. A partner’s dependancy on certain things (or on the significant other) will in time ruin the relationship – and zap the other of energy.
  6. Lack of trust – usually results in a definite spiral downwards, so it’s only a matter of time before it all breaks down.
  7. Incongruence
  8. Lack of effort – ‘Tiredness can kill’ – relationships.
  9. Lack of care
  10. Bigotry and/ or sectarianism
  11. Racism – and every other ism.
  12. The wrong socks, shoes or other trivial  item of clothing.

It’s around this point that I asked a few women friends what would be their biggest turn-off; some who are engaged in internet dating have laughingly given their reasons for switching off to advancing potential paramours – if they even get that far… online dating profiles can say a lot about a person.

Here’s what put them off –

13. Photos taken in bathroom mirrors – a dead giveaway to ‘Johhny No-mates’

14. Guys who pose topless.

15. Bar photos of men holding booze like a trophy .

16. Guys with ‘Cellmate’, ‘Angry….’, ‘Annoying…’, ‘Tomb…’ or the number 69 in their Username.

17. Really poor spelling or grammar – ‘some guys should buy a comma or two’ was one retort!

18. Using text-speak in written conversations – fellas be warned; this is only acceptable to mature women in text messages, over a mobile phone.

19. Screaming issues; alcohol or victim status, usually established in early communication.

20. And finally, the ones we’ve (jointly) termed ‘spankers and wankers‘ – these are the guys who within a handful of messages, start asking personal questions, like requesting vital statistics or they attempt to engage you with submissive or dominant sexual conversation.

So for the male of the species who are seeking their mate, some of the above you might want to take on board.

So what’s my personal take on the dating site issue?

I went into depth on the subject as you’ll see by clicking on the link above but – since then I found a few other things while I was researching the material; there’s a ton of available stuff available, especially now with ebooks on the scene so I checked a few out.

The Tao of Badass – Josh opens the introduction to his powerful ‘stealth’ tecniques of attraction with a fairly long video – which I watched til the end, contrary to what I wanted to do.

I’m not sure of his authenticity but he’s a bit of a brag when it comes to telling us how many women he’s pulled using his processes! I’m also wondering about his ability to create sex slaves! (Can I add a little ‘lol’ here?)

Note to marketers; video introductions can be a total turn-off! If I hadn’t been researching, I’d have closed the tab immediately. In truth, I did initially then returned to find out more to allow me to write this.

Note to Josh; I visited your page yesterday, then again today and your 24 hour deadline on the video being drawn down for being controversial, didn’t work.

I much preferred the text based approach with options to watch videos on the Magic of Making Up  website – altho I don’t agree with much else on the page – I’m more concerned with the issues which created the break-up.

And here’s the last one – How to Captivate a Man, Make Him Fall in Love with You – And Give You The World

Oh, please!!

About Lesley

Lesley Rodgers has written 146 posts on this blog.

Personal Development Consultant and Confidence Coach. Lesley is also a committed Human Rights Activist with her heart firmly lodged in 'community' and collaboration.

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